I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
