Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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