how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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