Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were trust falling into bushes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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