My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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