i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
