I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
