I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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