he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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