cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
