He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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