So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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