There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
