its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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