You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
