no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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