how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
