the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
