wakey wakey hands off snakey
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
