oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize