God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
