the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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