Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I love you.
Bad choice
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
