she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
