thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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