Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
