sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
