I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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