Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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