She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As shirtless as possible
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
