so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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