seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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