I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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