Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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