the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wow bdsm is so cute
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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