Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
