I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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