I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
