My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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