Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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