his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
