even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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