Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
