Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
