I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
