I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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