so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
