so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
