So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
