i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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