One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
