If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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