you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
