You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
