So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
