im having a threesome with these popsicles
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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