I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
