That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
