u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
