Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
