Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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