One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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