What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
