Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
