we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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