Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
