Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
