I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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