I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize