So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
